Its hit me

So, it has been one month since I resigned and its finally catching up with me... and its hard. My new reality is slowly sinking in more and more that I am DONE teaching full time in a classroom with 20 something kids - its hard, its strange, its weird and makes me sad. I miss seeing my friends at work. I miss lesson planning and creating things...but mainly I miss the hustle and bustle of all the kids, the laughter of the kids, the learning that happens with the kids... I miss it. But I know resigning was the right thing. My poor body is fighting so hard and I need to take care of it and help it as much as possible. I have moments where I don't want to get of bed because I don't see the point, or moments where I just want to cry because I am so sad. I get so mad and frustrated at the diseases I have and how much they have taken over and ruined parts of my life. Then I remember things will be ok. I am ok and my needs will be taken care of.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

 I am still waiting to hear from TRS on the status of my disability papers but at this point am still waiting, which is hard.

Going Back...Teaching!

Well... both doctors have filled out my medical release forms for me to GO BACK TO WORK this fall. Yup. 5th Grade here I come. I am SO excited, and also beyond nervous about it. It will be nice going back to work having all my energy back and feeling more like me again. I am just nervous about my joints and the pain I will most likely encounter. However, I work with amazing people who are supper supportive and my classroom is all set for me to be able to sit at various places around the room. We also have my other accommodations in place as well.

This week has gotten me very excited about work because on Monday I got to together with five girls from work to hang out, catch up and have dinner together. It was SO much fun and I forgot how much I really enjoy their company. Then On Tuesday I went to a conference all day on science and teaching with the common core. It was from 8:00am -1:00pm I got up at 6:30am, took care of the dogs, took care of myself :) and then was out the door by 7:!5am! The best part of the day... my morning stiffness was gone within 15-20min and it was a really hot and humid day! I felt great!

 The conference was good. The keynote speaker was a little on the slow/boring side but that's probably because he had SO much information and data to present and just read it off a power point. However, I really enjoyed the breakout sessions. We did some really neat hands on activities with mirrors and made a kaleidoscope. Then we also talked about different strategies to incorporate the common core standards into science using their curriculum.

Then TODAY my dear friend and coworker Morgan came over. We went over my schedule for the fall-which is fantastic. I have a "break" every morning at 10:30 and then my kids have gym at the end of the day! Then we went over subject by subject on what things are staying the "same" and which stuff is "new". It was sort of overwhelming and I kind of in some ways feel like a new teacher but I am excited. I love to read, plan and create lessons so am excited to start to dive back into that - its just a lot! WOW. I also realized i have not TAUGHT in my classroom since thanksgiving! That is insnane. Besides the two weeks of subbing in may I haven't taught since then. So... now I will begin meetings with the district to go back, start planning things and then setting up the classroom!! Here we go... or at least we will try!

The return of Crappy Feet!

Well are back to the constant state of crappy feet. 

It is SO not fun.

Here is what my feet look like when I take my shoes off after work. 

As the night goes on, my feet will continue to distort, get red and swollen. Oh, its a good thing I really like what I do and really enjoy it.  I am very thankful for pain medicine, ice and braces as well. Oh, and snuggly dogs help too!

You may remember from older posts.... this is not something new to deal with. 

Sunday NIght

I know most people, when they think of Sunday NIght they think of football... me not so much. Poor Bears lost tonight. Especially after having just spent four days in the hospital. Sunday nights are usually "ughhh nights" where I have to gear up to head into another week, I review my lesson plans, make sure things are graded and look over the calendar at what the week may hold.

Tonight was just like past sunday nights where I did all of that, only I had two friends come over and we just chilled for like an hour or so. I did no grading or work, they didn't do their school work, we all just chilled. It was nice.

I have mixed emotions heading into this week. It was a strange week last week, and another reminder to me of what my REAL, reality is- I am sick with a disease that has no course of action and no way of planning when it will attack, makes life interesting. Also, how much do I tell people? This is my reality, but who wants to constantly hear how much pain someone is in? or the fact that you joints hurt with EVERY SINGLE MOVEMENT YOU MAKE? Or the fact you were back in the hospital? I am planning on going into work tomorrow. I feel "fine" with the exception of gutch wrenching pain in my joints - especially my hips, elbows and feet but thats because they are still flaring from this week. My ears/head feel better each day and it helps that i started a new medication to help drain the ears. I am all planned and ready for the week and have some things planned with my kids, so that is exciting. I have no "extra" things that will keep me at work in terms of meetings and what not so that i nice. I will go teach and leave. So, I will take it one day a time and see how things go. THankfully I have some great people who really care about me at work and are great friends.

Follow Ups: I will follow up with my PCP in a week for my ear infection, call orthopedics about fluid in my knee and talk to Rheumatology and Endocrinology in a week for a follow up as well, since I just saw them. I was suppose to see cardiology on thursday for testing and follow up So, no i will also have to reschedule all of that. I swear, being sick takes up just as much time as teaching does! 

Well... hope everyone has a great sunday nights rest and heads into the new week all ready to go!!

Outdoor Ed Caught Up with me

Last week Wednesday to Friday I was in Wisconsin with 44 5th grade students! It was a fantastic trip! Weather cooperated, kids were awesome and the parents that came along were great as well. However, it took a toll on my crappy body... Walking around camp, sitting by lake, leading campfire songs and leading group activities... It was a lot! I rested all weekend. Took care of myself. Got up for work today felt "ok". As I headed into work I got nauseous, felt dizzy, horrid pain from hip to my toes and back hurt-- it hit me like a ton of bricks!! So, thankful for "P" in the office who got me a sub so I could go home at lunch. Ive had te ice machine on my knee, heat on my back and took lots of meds and am feeling "better" but wow was I taken back today!!

Camp Lake- Where we fished